Selective versus unselective romantic desire: not all reciprocity is created equal.

It is well established in nonromantic contexts that people tend to like individuals who like them (Kenny, 1994); in fact, such reciprocity of liking emerges even when individuals first meet for only a few minutes (Chapdelaine, Kenny, & LaFontana, 1994). Textbooks and common psychological lore frequently extend these findings to romantic liking, but the validity of this extension is unclear. When asked to recall a falling-in-love experience, individuals often report learning of another person’s affection shortly before developing passionate feelings in return (Aron, Dutton, Aron, & Iverson, 1989). Nevertheless, such retrospections can be misleading. Moreover, the opposite hypothesis—that potential romantic partners who play ‘‘hard to get’’ are desirable and individuals who demonstrate unconcealed romantic interest seem desperate and unappealing—is also plausible (for discussion, see Walster, Walster, Piliavin, & Schmidt, 1973). One useful perspective on reciprocal liking derives from Kenny’s social relations model (Kenny, 1994; Kenny & Nasby, 1980). This model distinguishes between two statistically independent correlational indicators of reciprocity: dyadic, which refers to liking that is shared uniquely between two individuals, and generalized, which refers to the tendency for people who generally like others to be liked themselves. Although correlations of nonromantic liking ratings demonstrate both positive dyadic and positive generalized reciprocity (Kenny, 1994), we hypothesized that romantic reciprocity would prove more nuanced. In a romantic setting, the dyadic-reciprocity correlation should remain positive, but the generalized-reciprocity correlation is likely to be negative. Although someone might indeed be likeable if he or she were to demonstrate platonic liking for many other people (Folkes & Sears, 1977), demonstrating romantic liking for many others could convey unselectivity and even desperation. Therefore, if expressing romantic desire emerges as a generalized tendency rather than a unique response to a particular individual, it may be antieffective at inducing another person’s desire.